I believe that we need to surround ourselves with inspiring, positive stories during conception, pregnancy and the postpartum journey.
Which is why sharing this news is so hard.
On 12 Feb 2019, I gave birth to another daughter, 22 weeks before her due date.
I had no idea what happens after a baby dies in-utero until I experienced it for myself.
This revelation surprised me because I have been teaching prenatal yoga for four years, have supported dozens of mothers through their miscarriages, and have had two babies of my own. But until recently, I never asked the question: “how does baby come out if it dies during pregnancy?”
My baby, Ella Rose, died at 17 weeks gestation due to a genetic abnormality. The doctors told me that her lymphatic system wasn’t built in a sustainable way and stopped working.
I could choose to be induced, or have a procedure to ‘extract’ her. I decided to be induced, to labor un-medicated and birth her in hospital, in the presence of my husband and midwife.
The labor was painful, both emotionally and physically. I now know what Anguish feels like, and I felt it in every atom of my being. But it was also Birth, and as someone who has created a business called MTRNL, you could safely assume that I am someone who is in absolute awe at the potential of women as they journey into and through motherhood.
My experience was beautiful, messy, imperfect, deeply life-affirming. It was spiritual, sacred, special. It was a birth that I had prepared for – through all my training, teaching, seeking and self-development.
My miscarriage has further reinforced what I know about developing the ability to truly tune into our body and baby, in a way that allowed me to experience deep anguish and pain without the suffering that often goes with an experience like that.
My yoga practice prepared me to trust my intuition to stand up, to lay on my side, to walk, to rock, to get on my hands and knees – all of which helped my body to birth Ella as comfortably as possible.
It wasn’t the birth that I was preparing for, but thankfully it was a birth that I was prepared for.
I invite you to watch the video above if you want to hear more from me about my experience and where I am up to in my grieving process.
My desire to serve mothers through the profound experience of pregnancy, labor, birth and motherhood is stronger than ever. To experience birth is an incredible privilege, and I feel privileged to be able to support so many of you on that journey.
While I am taking a break from teaching live classes, you can still access my recorded classes in the MTRNL Library.
I hope to see you in a live class soon.
Namaste, beautiful mama.
With so much love,
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